Don’t Do This On a First Date– Do That Instead!
There are probably many things that would be considered a faux-pas the first time you meet a new date, but here are some items that are particularly off-putting and will keep her at bay.
Take note of these major no-no’s and try their alternatives instead.
1. Keep her waiting
Some say first impressions are indelible, and others say that you can change them.
Well, the truth probably lies somewhere in between.
The first impressions you can change are the ones that people forget, in other words they didn’t leave much of a mark to begin with.
Arriving late for a first date may be fashionable, but it is definitely an unforgettable first impression and will tell your date that you do not value her time.
Instead: arrive before her and make sure that you have a seat figured out.
Give her credit, she probably realizes you are on your best behaviour for a first date and that a further relationship would not always look like this, but by arriving early you are showing her that your best behaviour is something to remember.
2. Call her by the wrong name
Women like to feel valued and special.
When you accidentally mispronounce her name, that’s one thing... But calling her by someone else’s name, forgetting her name or confusing it with another name are all hurtful things to most women.
They tell her she is not memorable to you.
She might assume that she is one among many – and even if she is (let’s face it, most people go on many dates before settling down with someone), she probably won’t want to feel like she’s just a number
Instead: if you’re not sure, pay her the courtesy of asking again, and show her that her name is important, because she is unique and important.
3. Call all the shots
Most women want to have the experience of sharing the date with you.
She may appreciate you leading the way wish suggestions, but if she senses that you’re just not interested in what she thinks, you may be going overboard.
Instead: involve her in every step of the decision, whether it’s picking a place to meet, or discussing your meal options. She will sense your interest and appreciate being involved in small things.
4. Make it all about you
You’re smart, you’re intelligent, you have lots of talents to show off, you may have a successful career, or a fun hobby, or just be an all-around great person to be around… but have you forgotten about her?
She is meeting you to find out more about who you are, but part of that equation is how much space you will give you to tell you about yourself.
Most women love to share who they are and if you’ve decided to meet with her, there’s probably something beyond the surface that you’re interested in finding out about as well.
Don’t make this whole date about flaunting and boasting
Instead: Ask her a few key questions about herself.
Nothing too personal or elaborate like the story of her last breakup, and nothing too trivial like her favorite color (unless you really want to know!).
Find out what she likes to do in her spare time, and ask questions that show an interest in what you can share.
The search for common ground is where you want to go.
5. Kiss her without checking for consent
Surprising that this one even needs to be said, but asking for consent before physical contact is a major, MAJOR (did I say major?) faux pas.
Sometimes it’s just too soon, and sometimes it’s just that she wanted it, but would have preferred that you ask first.
Aside from getting into the realm of sexual harassment, unwanted physical contact (even if she likes you) can make the difference between hearing from her again… and hearing from her lawyer.
Instead: Take the time not only to read the signals, but asking her if it’s ok to kiss her is not weird – it’s respectful.
After all, you might have misread the ‘signals’ and confused friendliness with sexual interest.
Err on the side of caution here by communicating verbally before you cross that boundary.
6. Forget to follow-up
If you’re managed to make a good impression and she’s welcoming a call back from you, make sure that you let her know you’re interested.
Forgetting to follow-up after a first date, or taking too long to do so can leave her thinking she is just a back-up plan.
Instead: Take a moment to check in later that night, or the next day and let her know how you thought the date went. She will appreciate the consideration.
7. Overdo it on the follow-up
On the flip side, you don’t want to overdo it on the follow-up and leave her feeling harassed.
Calling or texting a new person many times after a first encounter can feel intense for most people, even if it’s coming from genuine excitement.
Instead: Give her a bit of space to digest the experience, and take your own time to settle from the excitement of the first encounter.
There will be plenty of time on the second date to take things to the next level!
By Maria-Hélèna Pacelli